With the terrifying reality that Charlie will be starting first grade in just a few weeks (sniff, sniff), I thought I’d share a bit from my heart about encouraging our kids to DARE to be themselves. It’s easy to tell myself to Dare to Be Different, but that’s been a lifelong journey to get to a place of comfort with who I am as a person. How do we encourage our kids to reach out of their comfort zones and truly be themselves? Especially when society, culture, and other people will have something to say about who they are as a person and who they should be.
You see, my Purple Butterfly is finally spreading his wings and heading off to school full-time. And I don’t worry about him making friends or enjoying school or keeping up with the work. But if I am being honest, I am terrified of bullying. How do I encourage my kids to pursue what they love, but also protect them from what the world might throw at them? Here are some things I’ve been mulling over in the past few weeks as we prep for full day school.
1. A love of “opposite gender” toys, colors, etc. doesn’t determine manliness or femininity
With the recent chaos surrounding Target’s decision to remove gender-based signs from stores, the world has basically imploded. But at the heart of it, I think it’s an attempt to buck the trend that we’ve learned forever: that boys and girls have separate toys that they must play with exclusively. We might think that Target’s boldness is silly and it’s another case of people being offended over something so simple. But we live in a culture where girls who like trucks and mud and rough-housing are simply tomboys and boys who like flowers and dolls and pink are made fun of for their choices. Can we all agree that kids can play with whatever toys they want to regardless of their gender?
The boys recently had the opportunity to select backpacks for the upcoming year. I offered a few choices, but when Jack spied a backpack that looked like the entire thing was a giant pink cupcake with sprinkles, he was laser-focused and would select nothing else. He carried it the whole way around the store with pride. He loves cupcakes and he loves pink. He also loves trucks and superhero fights.
2. Don’t make decisions because of potential bullies.
I will admit that the simple school supply decisions of my boys’ caused me to pause. Not because I cared what they had selected, but because I had worried if someone else might say something to them. But instead of offering more choices that were “boyish” or simply forbidding what they had picked, I showed off their love of their new finds and talked with them about why they picked what they did.
Pretty in pink, flowers, and hairy: the perfect folder combination.
If we say yes or no to our kids based on what someone else might think, then we’ve usually let the bullies win (and in this case, before we’ve ever even encountered them). Be secure in your choices and own those decisions. Confidence is one of the best things we can instill in our children and is a lifelong process.
3. Discourage bullying STRONGLY
It often happens that it could “never be our kid” and the thought that we might be raising the bully can be terrifying on its own, but talking to our kids about how we interact with people, what constitutes making fun of someone, and the effects of bullying (both in person and online) are SO important to the dynamic when we send our kids off to school. Talk about differences between people and how those things make the world unique, not weird.
4. Love the world and others fiercely
The world is full of awesome people to love, be friends with and do life with. LOVE them in all of their individuality and know that your truest friends love you for who you are – kitty cats, mixed tapes, and all.
When you see something, say something. Stand up to the ones who try to stifle creativity with their words. Speak out for the ones who can’t speak for themselves. Share the best of you with the worst of others and change the world one school supply at a time.
Too soon, these little ones will be off on their own adventures. Let’s make sure they’re ready to shine!
How do you prepare your kids for life in the great big world?
Love this post! I am sometimes guilty of steering the kids a certain direction, but I will be making a conscious effort to not!
It’s definitely a process – know what you mean! This mom thing is HARD!
I worried that school would stifle David’s silliness and creativity. Another reason I’m glad we choose to homeschool.
Definitely makes sense! It will be interesting to see how this year goes!
I worry too about other kids teasing my kids because of what they like.
Great post Samantha! I have 1 boy & 2 girls. All the toys in our home are for EVERYONE!! So important to teach our children this!
Since Charlie and Jack are my grandchildren I am praying that they never are hurt by anyone. My brothers were picked on for no reason at all. They played with the right toys. Maybe it was because we didn’t wear the right clothes or because we came from a large family. I will never understand why it happened. All I know is that we had nowhere to run to. The public school failed us miserably. They even told my mother that my brother should be sent to a juvenile detention home when he finally fought back. The scars are there for life. I encourage you to let our beautiful grandchildren to be who God intended them to be. I see the kindness and love in both of them (yes, that includes Jack). It’s a very difficult line to walk. You don’t want to change your children’s hearts, but you don’t want to make them bitter. I’m praying for all of my grandchildren. If you see any signs of bullying, I know that you and Jim will take action immediately. Things are different now, but I do see why so many parents choose to homeschool. I just wouldn’t have been very good at it. This topic just brings up so many raw emotions in me. I think it’s one of the reasons why I worked as a lunch parent for so many years. I saw it happening over and over again, but not on my watch. The kids knew that I didn’t tolerate it. They respected me for it too.