A few days ago, I came across this article and posted it on my Facebook page. Within minutes, people began to weigh-in on what their thoughts were on the phenomenon of “purchasing” a particular gender to give birth to.
The article follows the paths of one particular woman. This woman had always dreamed of having a girl. After giving birth to her second boy, her third child was conceived using a special procedure that somehow sorts sperm based on which chromosome it carries. At fifteen weeks, she found out she was having a third boy. She “lay in bed and cried for weeks.” The couple discussed abortion, but decided to keep the baby and continued in her pregnancy. “In the meantime, she looked for a way to absolutely guarantee that her next child would be the daughter she had always dreamed about.” Once her third son was born, she started to make phone calls regarding a technique that would GUARANTEE the gender of her next child. You can read more about her journey in the article, but nearly four years and $40,000 (!!!!!!!!) later, Megan Simpson (not her real name) finally had the little girl she had always dreamed of.
When I saw this story on Families in the Loop’s page, I couldn’t help but comment and read the article along with its comments. As a mother to two boys and with a past history of three miscarriages, these stories made my heart hurt. With countless friends who have suffered their own miscarriages, infertility, secondary infertility, problems conceiving, thousands spent on treatments just to get pregnant, I couldn’t imagine being in a place with three healthy children spending my time and money obsessing over something I still didn’t have (and frankly, had little control over on my own).
My thoughts turned to her sons, especially number three. To find out at some time later that his mother considered abortion, simply because of his gender. That his sister was so desperately wanted, a family investment, and he was merely not the girl they had always anticipated and prayed for. I hate that we live in a culture that is always looking for the next best thing. That when life doesn’t give us what we want, we just find the monetary amount and pay for it.
What do you think? Should your child’s gender be something you can just pay for?
I had a boy and then a girl, perfect family! Two years later I divorced. During my daughters second pregnancy I wished for a girl for her. It was not to be. Instead I have two beautiful grandsons. The prefect family is the one you get, not the one you wish for.
Beautifully stated. Thanks for sharing!
I definitely agree with that.
I’m saddened by that story. I love my children no matter the gender. I have a son I gave birth to and a daughter I did not. My daughter is my niece by birth and I have been her Mom since since she was 2. There are so many children out there (boys and girls) who need loving homes. I can assure you she is as much my daughter as if I gave birth to her.
What a blessing to know what your feelings are….and to know that you have become a mother to a daughter in such a unique way. Thank you for your post!
I read that article, too, and was totally disgusted. I’ve been meaning to post about it, but can’t even figure out where to begin. As the mother of two boys who is expecting my third without knowing the gender, I am shocked by how many people are obsessed with me having a girl next. If I hear the term “your girl” one more time I might actually go into labor.
YES! Totally on the same page as you – it’s beyond ridiculous I think and it troubled me deep. I just wish we didn’t live in a culture where people think money is all that reallly matters.
While I would never go to those lengths to get the right gender, I do sort of understand it. We live in a society where there is tremendous pressure to have a boy, then a girl. It is too easy to get caught up in this.
I don’t think the issue is with this mother, I think it’s a much bigger societal issue. It goes beyond America and is in plenty of other cultures too. It’s just this mother actually followed through on what I think others would have done if they had the resources.
I think you’re right. The first country that comes to mind is China and their policy is downright frightening. I guess I just expected differently from people 🙁
A much bigger societal issue as you suggest is exactly right!
I really don’t like to judge people but right now I guess I’m going to. THAT IS HORRIBLE!
I really never understand why the sex of your baby would matter to some people. I was excited to have a boy, but I would have been just as excited if i had given birth to a girl. I can get people looking forward to things that come with having a boy or girl. That’s fine. But to pick and choose like that? Come on! Seriously?
Take what you get, be happy with it and love them….that is your child. I thought love for your kids was unconditional, not conditional on it’s sex. When I was pregnant, I even skipped some of the prenatal screenings (like the one for down syndrome). Once I knew that I was pregnant, that was my baby no matter if it was a he or a she or had problems or not. All I wanted was a healthy baby, and did what I could to ensure that. That’s all that mattered. Sure it’d be fun to dress up a little girl and do mother daughter things but I cherish my son with everything that I have and wouldn’t wish him to be anything other than my little man.
Right there with you – it’s so difficult to hear when people want to decide something like a gender, when all we want are healthy babies.
Wow. As a woman who miscarried, then had two tricky pregnancies ending in bedrest….I must say tho I feel for a family who ‘wants’ a certain gender/healthy babe etc….what about a Holy Creator who blesses us with pooping, screaming folks that change us and our lives so deeply, maddeningly and richly? It creeps me out a bit, to think we could ‘order’ a human being. Would your spouse be the one you would have ordered, or does their unique mix of whathasit flow as it should into your life? Ah….what a blessing to be rich spoiled Americans when others do not have anything to eat. I too am guilty.
I’m guilty too! But thankfully, not on this issue. I have two boys and couldn’t fathom paying to secure a specific gender…so sad.